• Welcome to The Foxhole Forum Archives.

Random Crap 2023: The Drain Is Clogged

Started by Silver Sorrow, January 01, 2023, 09:33:50 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Silver Sorrow

...and it's backing up. Someone send a celestial Roto-Rooter quick, because this is definitely gonna make a mess...

So. 2023. What better way to celebrate a new year than to slap together an impromptu post that combines stream-of-(barely) consciousness babbling with typing skills so bad that it takes forever to post due to having to fix all of my stupid typos?

Mavis Beacon couldn't teach me shit.

Anyway...I wish had something interesting to post here, but I really don't. But on the off-chance that I do, there's a thread for it.

Oh, wait! Hasbro and Nerf teamed up with whoever owns the Aliens license and put out the M41-a pulse rifle. This is the product page.

And so I bought one as a little (!!!) Xmas gift for myself. The thing came in a shipping box that could've housed an entire family of illegal aliens...uh...shit. Whatever they call 'em these days. Frozen, probably...happy you left South America now, folks? (Los Amigos Congelados?)

Anyway, the motor's so loud that it drowns out the firing SFX, it takes 4 C-cell batteries, it cost over a $100, and it's heavy as a bastard. On the bright side, it's heavy enough to bludgeon someone to death, so there is that.

Oh, and it has a "grenade" launcher that isn't bad and doesn't need the batteries to work. The regular rounds do require batteries however, and the clip only holds ten rounds. I've already lost one of them somehow. Another feature is that there's an ammo counter...which can now remind me forever that I've lost one of the darts. It's the gift that keeps on giving.

I'm of the opinion that this thing would make a better paintball gun, but who am I? No one, that's who. Or whom. Whatever. Failing that, you could probably find someone to modify it...say, boost the volume of the firing sound, paint it a movie-accurate color, and get yourself splattered all over the sidewalk by panicky cops.

On a completely unrelated note: the beauty of having so-so insulation is that I can tell that some kid in my neighborhood got a dirt bike for Xmas and is currently putting it through its paces at 9:30pm. Whatever happened to merely beating your kids for Xmas? So now we're all forward-looking and it's wrong to nail your kid's back fat to the attic rafters to teach him a lesson, I get it. So let's all carpool to Starbucks in our Tesla and buy ourselves a gay milkshake, m'kay?

And so now I look forward to 2023, wherein more of my female relatives will continue their neverending trend of the Clown Car Vagina...and expect me to give a good goddamn when they squeeze out another one. To quote David Spade: "I don't give a FUCK about [name of kid]!"

Someone -- a complete lunatic, as I recall -- referred to every fresh, writhing maggot as "another arrow in my quiver." To which I ask: what's the point of having a quiver if you can't pick the thing up? We've hit 8 billion motherfuckers on this miserable planet, I think we can stop trying to add more...just for a while, huh?

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go stare at my solitaire game in a fit of seething rage.

Oh, and happy new year. For what it's worth.
It is the scent of garlic that lingers on my chocolate fingers