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Just A Ball On Satan's Ping-Pong Table

Started by Silver Sorrow, Oct 09, 2023, 05:27 PM

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Silver Sorrow

One thing I've always wondered: why is Pressly so relieved that I'm a board? You'd think that he'd be horrified, but...there it is.

For more stupid jokes like that, keep an eye on this thread!

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...there's an angel standing in the sun...

Starfox

Don't know, the terrain seems pretty level to me and the Mako is definitely parked. BTW isn't this thing supposed to comically get back its wheels by itself when this kind of thing happens? Or did you really stick it in the special Silver's way?

Guess what it means!

Silver Sorrow

QuoteDon't know, the terrain seems pretty level to me and the Mako is definitely parked.

My argument exactly...but do they listen to logic? No.

But...oh, well. I think you can usually get it back on its wheels by hitting space until it rights itself, but it didn't work that time. It's that Silver Magic at work yet again.

I also got myself locked in the cargo hold by not being on the lift when I hit the button. It takes a special kind of idiot, and I am that idiot.

And I did it again.

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The spacebar thing worked this time, though. ::)

Hey, how about some mods?

A new casual outfit for Shepard...
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This ain't the Army, but I'm still dedicated to being the best I can be. Whatever that is.

Btw, no one has managed to make the asari commando outfit work yet, so...that's one dream dead on the vine.

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It'd be cruel to point out that I didn't have to do very much to make her prettier than Ashley.

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It only took me sixteen years to get a Shepard I like.

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"Look at you, Shepard. You're built like a sexbot. I'm built like a surfboard. I'm so depressed."

"There there, chief. There's always your deep insecurities and bitter xenophobia to offset your obvious physical shortcomings."

"Thanks, commander...I think..."

"And you're also stupid. At least you have that going for you."

"Um...yeah, uh..."

"And you're kind of ugly. Your nose, for example, could be used to hang a heavy winter coat."

"I have to go..."

"One of the big, overstuffed ones, I mean. Like, they used the down from an entire flock of geese to...to...where'd she go? That's ingratitude for you. Here I was encouraging her and she just wanders off. Typical."
...there's an angel standing in the sun...

Starfox

Are you using those lines with all the girls you meet? They must be falling immediately... like flies ;D Pointing the flaws of a woman is the surest way to reach her heart... and probably kill her haha

You'd go along fine with some guy I butt head with for a short while about the very topic of Ashley. He was apparently quite in love and couldn't stand anything bad said about her. And then she died on Virmire and that was the last I heard of him... Go figure :)


Guess what it means!

Doc_Brown

Quote from: Silver SorrowI remember Adam Smasher

Speaking of the different Grievous portrayals, did you ever watch Edgerunner?  Feels like a similar situation for Adam Smasher.
Roads?  Where we're going we don't need roads.

Silver Sorrow

Edgerunner...oh, right. Yeah. That one. I tried watching it, but it was a bit too depressing for me at the time. I'll come back to it some day. Probably after I start freebasing Zoloft.

QuoteAre you using those lines with all the girls you meet? They must be falling immediately... like flies ;D Pointing the flaws of a woman is the surest way to reach her heart... and probably kill her haha

Exactly. All I need to stay child-free is my personality. Someone described this method of conversing with women as tossing out negs. This Big Bang Theory clip shows the neg system in action:


This was kind of a novel concept to me, as I come from families that just toss the negs in your face without sugarcoating and laugh at you. Good times.

QuoteYou'd go along fine with some guy I butt head with for a short while about the very topic of Ashley. He was apparently quite in love and couldn't stand anything bad said about her. And then she died on Virmire and that was the last I heard of him... Go figure :)

A while back, I had thought to install this mod that let a female Shepard romance Ashley...but then I remembered that I didn't really like her very much. My disapprobation for her grew with every game...although by the end of ME3 she was tolerable. The hangover-on-the-floor scene was a favorite.

So why do I consistently choose her over Kaidan? Because Kaidan's boring and useless, and Ashley looks better in that shiny blue ME3 armor. So...yeah: eye candy.

So...back to ME Legendary, hmmmm? Or...well, how about answers to the following questions?

1. Why the hell did you disappear after Xmas?
2. How did your colonoscopy go today?
3. How far did you get into Pink Floyd's "Breathe" before the anaesthesia kicked in?
4. How much does the hand that had the IV hurt right now?
5. Why do you hope that the people who invented the liquid prep solution die of colon cancer?
6. What did you do to keep from throwing up from the solution?
7. How great are Sonic's corn dogs after two days of having eaten nothing?
8. Instead of bitching about your problems with dealing with Mass Effect mods, why don't you just post a few screenshots?


1. I haven't been well. Next question.
2. Very well, thank you.
3. Breathe, breathe in the air / Don't be afraid to care / Leave, but don't--
4. Like a bastard.
5. For irony's sake, of course. Have you tasted that crap? It tastes like -- and I am not exaggerating in the slightest -- sea water in which someone had been electrocuted. And you gotta drink a gallon of it.
6. I was allowed hard candy to go with my otherwise liquid diet; I found out, quite by accident, that peppermint (or was it spearmint?) was strong enough to block out the taste of the solution. I wish I had known that before I had downed 96 ounces of that pestilential brew.
7. Not the greatest, but pretty good. They should've been crispier, but what can you do? I mean, besides bringing them home and air-fryering the fuck out of 'em.
8. Sure, why not. Might take a couple of posts, though...so here's the first. Then I'll take a very long nap.

From ME1LE:

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The Voice Actor Model Project. Only Ashley is done. She does look a lot like her VA now.

From ME2LE:
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The butt shot returneth. Miranda Butt Shot Restoration mod.

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I always liked this scene. Very dramatic.


From ME3LE:

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Three different mods here: Expanded Galaxy Mod (EGM) for the hair style and color. A makeup mod for the face, and a de-hexagonification mod for the catsuit. The cameltoe is entirely native.

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Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn, Tali! (No mods!)

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Dumbass lens flares and crossed eyes. Bioware perfection. Anyway, I think this is courtesy of the EGM mod, that lets you use the Dr. Eva skin for EDI. So I'm not sure that the eyes are Bioware's fault, really...

More to come later when my face isn't trying to hit the desk.
...there's an angel standing in the sun...

Silver Sorrow

Part two:

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The gang's all here. Sort of. Thanks EGM, for making everything so much more cluttered than I had believed possible. Oh, and I also have the Miranda Mod...I haven't acquired her as a squad member yet, so...


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Standing here feeling like a goddamn clown...where's my captain's chair? How can I be a captain without a captain's chair? Lt. Uhura...I mean...Traynor! Get me a captain's chair! And it had better swivel around and around like a captain's chair should! Mr. Javik...find me a tribble. I wish to crush something adorable in my hands. Mr. Vakarian...install a dance pole in place of the galaxy map. I think Liara should start earning her keep around here, wouldn't you agree? Yeah...shake that thang, you tentacled Smurf! Twerk it loose for the captain!

Look, Traynor. I don't care how many sexual harrassment hearing emails the Alliance's HR department's been sending me lately, I'm saving the whole galaxy here! Tali...get up there and show them asari biyatches how a REAL dancer dances! Drop the enviro suit and wiggle, goddammit. That's an order, you immuno-compromised wimp. I don't care if you have to douse the pole in hand sanitizer, I--

Hello, Dr. Chakwas! Are you here to watch the...ow! What was in that needle? Woo...feeling kinda all right...yeah...they're coming to take me away ha-ha ho-ho hee-hee...show me EDI in 3D yeah.....zzzzzzzzzzzzz...


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This is probably the least hilarious pair of glasses in the accessories mod. You may ask why I didn't go with the pink heart rims and the kitty ear beanie. That's for later, when she watches Traynor in her French maid outfit scouring her fish tank clean. A glass of Romulan asari ale, a comfy couch, and a show? A fine evening. Hey! You call that CLEAN, Miss Traynor? SCRUB! Scrub for your miserable life, lackey! Stop crying! That's an order directly from your captain! More scrubbing, less crying!


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Your payoff for going full Renegade in Aria's retaking of Omega. Yes, Aria grabbed her. Note Shepard's arms: it would've been funnier if she'd been flailing them around in surprise, but you can't have everything in life, I suppose.

I had to let Aria strangle Petrovsky (or whatever his name was), but...oh, well. I still can't say it was worth being a jerk concerning Nyreen, though.


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Anderson's hand reaches out...the fulsome globes beckon...his hand is slapped away...


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Really diggin' these catsuits, yo. Just kinda hard to get 'em peeled off when she's gotta pee, y'know? How does Miranda do it? I suspect hers are just painted on. Yeah, that'd make sense.

And that's it for now. Maybe I'll dress Shepard up like a witch and scare the shit out of the idiots down in Engineering. Or maybe I'll get something to eat, as my blood sugar is doing interesting things right now. After two days of nothin', I was getting used to not eating. Bothersome metabolic maintenance nonsense...

COMPLETELY UNRELATED EDIT: You know, telling the nurse who was wheeling me to the procedure room for my colonoscopy that I was "ready for my closeup, Mr. DeMille" may have not been the height of comedy, but at least I was trying, right?

I'm sorry, I just had to get that off my chest. Carry on, my wayward sons.
...there's an angel standing in the sun...

Silver Sorrow

An idle point about Frodo's predicament in Shelob's lair: how many spiders have stingers, anyway? Maybe just one, in this case. But what happens when you try to look that up online? Results mostly pertaining to people whose eyes are all ouchy after staring directly at the eclipse yesterday. Did I ASK about that sort of thing? No. But it led me to these conclusions:

1. The internet is useless when it comes to resolving my dilemma of spiders with stingers.

2. Most search engines are a joke.

3. The human race is a bunch of goddamn monkeys.

4. Group nomenclature (i.e., "a gaggle of geese", "a murder of crows") should be adjusted for people: a clusterfuck of humans.

5. I deserve the Nobel Prize for pointing that out.

6. Do I have to go all the way to Scandinavia to pick up my check, or will they mail it to me? They can keep the medal.

Anyway.

Speaking of things related to physics in a way, I realized a painful truth about storage containers: the bigger the container, the lighter its contents should be if you ever wish to move them from the general area where you fill them up. For example, if you have a large container, use it for plastic action figures. Do not use it for the Tom Clancy library ("Keepin' Your Doors From Swinging Open In a Full-Force Gale Since The 1980's!". Or your CD collection. Because you will likely never move the container ever again.

I have solved the problem of my pile o' books...in my head, at least:

1. Separate out the ones I don't want on display from the ones I do want to display. This is key.

2. Buy two more semi-flimsy, inadequate bookcases.

3. Leave them all in a pile in the middle of the room because I just don't want to think about it anymore.

4. In summary...



But back to games 'n' stuff.

Mass Effect 2:

I never gave it much thought before -- really! -- but now I get why people want to cover up Samara. I mean...yeah, boobies, right? But she's kind of like Shepard's proxy mom (or great-great-great grandma), so: yuck.


Mass Effect 3:

Liara, however...

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I'll miss shots like these when DEI activism makes all the women in games ugly sexless drudges.


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Just checkin' for cameltoe, Ms. Lawson. Yup, we're good.


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Kasumi, courtesy of Project Variety and MorningAngel's Combat Outfits for Kasumi.


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Now you're jutting on purpose.

For this shot, I'd like to give a shout out to the person who ported the MEA armors into ME3LE...thanks for Shepard's double-mastectomy, whoever you are. ::)


Mass Effect: Andromeda

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I'm not sure how many mods are involved in this look, but there are a lot of them.

So it looks like I've run out of annoying words to irritate everyone with. Allow me to recharge and I'll be back up to Full Stupid in no time.
...there's an angel standing in the sun...

Silver Sorrow

Andromeda

I forgot how unbelievably dumb this game is.

To begin with, the save system is an absolute mess; EA's cloud storage dumped a gig of saves onto my hard drive (all of them dating back to 2017), and then it informed me that I couldn't play the game because I had too many saves.

Ah. So it's war, then.

I finally got that dipshittery sorted out and was able to pick up where I left off a week ago (I've been busy): about to explore the Ark for signs of life. A couple of things:

- No manual saves available just yet. If anything screams "console game!"...

- The companion AI is annoying. Cora and Liam were running all over the place like crazy. "STOP THAT!" I finally shouted as Cora kept jogging back and forth in front of me. That's where I had to stop for the night.

- All the talking Ryder and squadmates were doing just running towards a tram. Talk, talk, talk. No wonder other species don't like humans very much. Jabbering monkeys.

- I hate Ryder. "I'm the Pathfinder? What? Me? But...but...I just can't believe my daddy's gone! He should've been here to see this! This should be HIS moment! Waaaaaaaaaaah!"

I'm seriously considering pulling the plug on this one. I have so many other games I haven't played, why should I put myself through this nonsense again? At this point, I'd prefer to play through the entire ME trilogy once more with the only difference being that my Shepard has a slightly different hair color this time. The same build and the same decisions but with brown hair. Yeah.

I seem to recall at the time that there was sympathy for the Edmonton devs due to the bad decisions made by their evil corporate overlords, but...I think they deserved at least some of the blame for how badly the game turned out. I don't know...I mean, when their blog posts made such a big deal out of the Pride parades they were attending (instead of, you know, details about the game), I had to wonder where their focus was, really.

Look: do your Pride thing. That's fine by me. Cover yourself in glitter, parade down the street in your most fuschia-est feather boa, whatever raises your voice an octave, okay? Just keep your sexual politics out of my space opera, willya??

*deep breath*

Okay! Much better. I never did finish Deus Ex Human Revolution, so maybe I should give that another whirl.
...there's an angel standing in the sun...

Starfox

You know what I'm currently replaying? Thief (2014). And relatively speaking, it's not as bad as I remembered. Well, there are still the WTF moments here and there and the lack of an intelligent AI, and Erin (OMG after all those years she's still the upsetting little spoiled brat, you'd think that being massively injected with Primal would turn her intelligent, but no) but all in all it's not as viscerally bad as it was in my memories (especially because Erin features in the whole story very little, just enough to itch). But for God's sake I wish they wouldn't have tried to imitate Tomb Raider and the long convoluted Run For Your Life sequences. They're just showing the inadequacy of their knowledge regarding what a Thief game truly is.

I don't miss not being able to fail a single jump and fall to my death into a pool of lava, though. Sure it had its charms but that's one worry less :)

On the whole though I wonder if it's just me being less bitter than I was about the game, more full of wisdom with the advancing years (I seriously doubt that) or if it's just a reflection of the current state of the gaming industry when you're able to appreciate a game that you though was crap a decade before, just because they released even worse games since then with just a few rare shining pearls here and there. Possibly it's a bit of all of that.

I also realized replaying the game what is the fundamental mistake Eidos Montréal made. They tried to make Thief a reboot instead of a sequel. Making it a sequel was pretty simple, they didn't even need to change the settings, everything was already in there. The Keeper compound buried under The City, so forgotten and decrepit with all its unreadable books (remember how all the Keepers' knowledge vanished at the end of Deadly Shadows?). The Moira Asylum and the mechanical eye you can find there...

Just pretend that the events in Thief (2014) occur 200 or 300 years after Deadly Shadows, rename Garrett, Basso and Jenivere into something entirely different and you get a very acceptable sequel, disconnected from the original trilogy with just bits and pieces remaining here and there but that's the point. The universe is the same, the characters and the story are not. From there you can also change the gameplay with minimal fuss as anyway, these are not the same characters so they didn't need to conform to anything players of the original trilogy were accustomed to.

But instead of the sequel, once more, they decided to pull a Lara Croft and adopted the worst possible option for Thief, the reboot, trying hopelessly to make people believe that the universe was totally new with a Garrett same but better than the original, but at the same time feeding us plenty of references to the trilogy like if it was far in the past (which it is -- I mean nobody remember the Keepers but their remains are there). Erin being possibly the biggest reference to the trilogy as everyone immediately saw in her the child that Garrett took under his wing at the end of Deadly Shadows.

Well, they just wanted to capitalize on the name Garrett, I get that, but was that really the best idea? Certainly not. Having the trilogy and the new game cooperating could have been interesting. The new Master Thief could have tried to find more about who the famous Garrett of legend was, how he ended up in the Moira Asylum as the presence of his mechanical eye there seems to point out. Make of that a side quest (which would have advantageously replaced several of the stupid Basso's "jobs")

Anyway, I guess we don't have to worry about the future now that the next Deus Ex was cancelled, a new Thief is not even envisaged and Tomb Raider vanishes faster than a distant memory. Who even knows if Eidos Montréal, Crystal Dynamics and the like will still be there in a year, thanks to our dear corporate stooges from the Embracer Group that bought more developers in a decade that they can feed in a millennium and now try to cut their losses.

But, you have to give him at least that, the current CEO (maybe not for much longer) of Embracer Group is honest. When he explained the situation, he stated clearly "Our shareholders will always come first". It's probably what all the publishers are thinking but none of them has the balls to say it to the face of the people who actually buy their games.

I bet the head of the marketing department had a joyous moment with that. "WTF did you just do? Did you just tell gamers that we don't need them because it's all about pleasing the shareholders so unless they're bringing in the money, gamers are useless? Is that really your whole sale pitch for our next release?".

Worse part of it, the next release will probably sell like crazy, no matter what. People are funny that way.

PS: you should finish Human Revolution. Shame on you! :D

Guess what it means!