Main Menu


We've got a new forum. The old one will remain available as archive.

Silver's Project: Play My Games

Started by Starfox, Jun 05, 2023, 05:57 AM

Previous topic - Next topic


Originally published on March 17, 2019 by Silver Sorrow

I'm not really sure where to put this thread, although I can imagine most of you have suggestions for a very specific location; try to restrain yourselves, we're trying to have a civilization here.

Anyway, I thought I'd try to play through some of the games in my Steam/GOG/Origin libraries and give a thumbnail sketch of each attempt...and when I say "attempt," I mean that I'll make the effort to play the games, but I'll most likely get bored and/or frustrated with most of them and give up at some point. I foresee a lot of things like "well, the main menu was confounding, so I gave up."

So that's the proposal. And, like every other project I've begun in my life, I'll probably never finish it. But...hey, it's after 4am, I might as well do something besides futz around with Fallout 4.

I'm not doing this alphabetically. That's not gonna happen. Order is by whim. First up...

Guess what it means!


Originally published by Silver Sorrow

...yup, Borderlands.

I'm under the impression that I end up with dramatically different versions of games than other people have. How to explain why a vast majority of players of a certain game look upon it with unabashed, unconditional love, while I play for ten minutes and want to take my own life? Far Cry and Crysis were like that for me (stealth-snipe an enemy in the back of the head and it just pisses him off?); I couldn't understand how people loved them so much. I couldn't find much that was fun in either game, and that very well may be on me. (More on that later.)

Borderlands, sadly, is yet another one of those. At least for me. You may like it...perhaps you even love it. That falls under the universal right of Free Will. Enjoy it while you can.

I wanted to like it, I really did. I restarted the thing several times since I bought it a few years ago, and I never could get into it. I tried again recently and got further along than ever before...but I still cannot find it within myself to go any further. That's it. I give up.

Why? Because after dying repeatedly at the hands of respawning monsters and bandits, I found myself muttering "...this is stupid, this is stupid, this is stupid..." over and over until my mutter swelled to a shout: "THIS IS UNBELIEVABLY STUPID!"

But I don't think it's anyone's fault but mine; I guess I didn't get the memo.

Obviously, this game is designed for co-op play. Sure, you can play solo, but you'll have to do a lot of grinding and such just to get your character to a good enough level to handle the tasks presented to you. And that's where it becomes my problem: I absolutely hate multiplayer. It's my own personal psychosis, and my fault alone. I've built my own cage and forged my own bonds.

The game throws you quite a few bones to help you: the frequent respawning of enemies and items is necessary to get your character leveled up so you can progress. However, I'm just not in that kind of mood at the moment. Maybe in the future I'll come back to it, but for now I don't want to deal with it.

I'll list a few of the side issues that made it so much worse:

- Enemies are bullet sponges. Advocates for the game insist: "You gotta hit 'em with criticals! You--" Shut up.
- Shields are useless. A couple of shots and it's wave bye-bye, cupcake. I was one-shotted quite often. I hate that.
- Weapons take FOREVER to reload.
- It's hard to play a long-range character when your targets hop around like crackheads on pogo sticks (SEE: Far Cry), or they Zerg-rush you in waves. That blur in your scope? Something murderous that is way too close. Run backwards while cursing. That always helps.
- I hate the cell-shaded art style. It was making me nauseous.
- And so on.

It's currently 5am and I haven't slept all day and I'm starting to see things out of the corner of my eye and I think I've complained enough about this game. In short:

It's not for disturbed loners. You may like it.

Guess what it means!


Originally published by Silver Sorrow

DooM [2016]

Comparisons to the original games abound, but this one seems to do okay. I mean, sure: it has all these buzz-type features like challenges (which kill immersion somewhat) and glory kills, but it does have something of a plot and can be fun at times.

And yet, I don't think I fall within the target demographic; for one thing, I don't like gameplay that's difficult just for the sake of appeasing the ADD hyperactive twitch-monkeys in the audience. For another: being something of a completist, it feels as if they're trying to cram too much into what should be a simple shooter experience. What with all the bobbleheads, secret retro levels, loopy challenges (kill [number] of [monster type] with [specific weapon], for example), pointless achievements, and so on, it overwhelms to the point where you just kill monsters to meet challenges and ignore any attempts at atmospheric setting and plot. Sure, it's a room filled with corpses and smeared with unholy amounts of blood and gore, but never mind that...I have to kill five Revenants in mid-air with the super shotgun. I'm not sure why, but they challenged me to do so. They triple-dog-dared me, dammit!

Say what you will about Doom 3, aka "DarK," but at least it had a felling of...yes...doom about it. You clumped along at a snail's pace in the dark and had issues with your flashlight, but it had atmosphere. This is...

...well, okay: you're on Mars, nice landscape. Yawn. Let's get to killing monsters, shall we? But in interesting ways. I don't want to just shoot demons, I wanna rip 'em apart. The messier the better. Also, if there was a way to somehow humiliate them at the same time...I mean, let's say there's a mechanic to molest the demons while simultaneously killing them, that would be totally awesome. That's not in there yet, but give the devs time and they will eventually pander to the demon-rape aficionados. It'll give the jaded little bastards something to do besides dripping ghost pepper juice into their urethras just to feel something for once in their miserable little lives. (Hey, youngsters: THAT would be an excellent internet challenge! Go for it!)

But setting my wearied view on youth culture aside for the moment, I could honestly say I enjoyed this game. Mostly. I had issues, of course; when defeating a boss monster becomes a dance of strategy instead of dumb luck, my interest tends to wane. After all, this is the age of the Dark Souls mentality, where every single game has to be exponentially harder to beat than the last. This is the ghost-pepper-in-the-urethra metaphor all over again. Never mind. What I mean is...


Doom: Cyberdemon. Dodge its rockets in a large arena until you've shot it enough to kill it.

Doom 3: Cyberdemon. Dodge its rockets in a small arena until you've filled up the Soul Cube (by killing its minion Imps) and then let the Soul Cube carve it up.

DooM: Cyberdemon. Dodge its rockets and a variety of other attacks in a medium arena with ever-shifting obstacles until you damage it enough for it to trigger a cutscene. Then it will magically recharge completely and you have to do it all over again.

[By the way, there is no manual saving. Just thought I'd mention that. We're almost to the quarter-century mark of the 21st century, and they're still pulling this checkpoint crap. To quote Blazing Saddles, "I am depressed."]

And I don't even want to talk about the Spiderdemon.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that it feels and plays like a console game. It's cartoony and goofy, like Zelda Rots In Hell, or something.

Apart from the mind-numbing boss battles, waves of slavering demons, and a lassez-faire attitude to plot, I suppose you might find some enjoyment in there somewhere.

For further reading, I suggest this thread, which sums it all up nicely. (No, I'm not counting my initial post; that just summarizes the fact that I got a refund for various reasons.) Everyone who chimed in had a good point.

Guess what it means!